I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
