my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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