she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
