yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
