I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
