Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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