how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
