Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
