that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
