Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
