my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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