the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
