This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
