I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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