No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pants are for mortals
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
