I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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