1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The best revenge is premature balding
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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