Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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