They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
