I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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