oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
