I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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