Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
