I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
