dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
