Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
