Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
