I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
