Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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