I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
