her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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