Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
