all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
