i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
