Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
