I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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