Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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