Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
