I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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