I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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