And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
