i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
