Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
