So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
