And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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