I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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