I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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