i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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