But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
