Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
