the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
