tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
