WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i believe in u and ur pee
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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