just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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