Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
