Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
