you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
