only you would photoshop your dick
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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