Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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