I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
