He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
