I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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