He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
