The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
