You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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