where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
