fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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