I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
