So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
