i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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