i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
