I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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