I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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