I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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