Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
