Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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