So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think i got beer on your cat.
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