Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
