My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize